The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Animal Crackers
23:58 Oct 25 2008
Times Read: 823

From the pen of my daughter.... awww bless..



''If G-d didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat?!!''

Poor wife
18:39 Oct 21 2008
Times Read: 855

A wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making Love to a very attractive young woman.



The wife was VERY upset!



'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to Me a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you.

I want a divorce straight away!'



And he replied:



'Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I can tell you what Happened.



'Fine, go ahead', she sobbed, 'but they'll be the last words You'll say to me!'



And he began:



'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young Lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and Defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.

She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my Compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made For you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid You'll put on weight.

The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower and while She was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I Threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer Jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because You say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your Anniversary present, which you don't wear because you said I don't have Good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you Don't wear just to annoy her and I also donated those boots you Bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work Has a pair like them..'



He took a quick breath and continued:



'She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked Her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said;



'Please........do you have anything else that your wife doesn't Use?''

HD TV
23:40 Oct 19 2008
Times Read: 873

This is how you advertise for HD in Israel.......

WARNING!!!!!!!!!!
22:24 Oct 10 2008
Times Read: 906

I thought about a simple 'hello, how are you'' type message.... I figured she may be 'down' or whatever...

but I see the red flashing warning sign and think twice .. then under that you get the ''YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!'' notice.



It's way too intimadating to get close to some people these days .... I mean, you just wouldn't dare!!!

Hehe
10:07 Oct 10 2008
Times Read: 909




This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.



A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now somewhere around $60.00.







Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died in January.'



Citibank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'



Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'



Citibank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'



Family Member: ´So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'



Citibank: 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'



Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?' (I really liked this part!!!!)



Citibank: 'Excuse me?'





Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'



Citibank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.' (Duh!)



( Supervisor gets on the phone: )



Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died in January.'



Citibank : 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.' (This must be a phrase taught by the bank!)



Family Membe: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'



Citibank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'



Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info given)







Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'



Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number is given)







( After they get the fax: )



Citibank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'



Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care.'



Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.´ (What is wrong with these people?!?)



Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'



Citibank: 'That might help.'



Family Member: 'Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'



Citibank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'



Family Member: 'What do you do with dead people on your planet???¨



Citibank: .... Click !! - Toot - toot - toot ....





(Priceless)